The real mid life crisis is no longer characterized by “just for men” hair dye, red corvettes or moving into a beach side condo. No, the real mid life crisis has begun to creep up on those who barely know how to do their own taxes, still receive allowances and stipends from their parents and continue to drink heavily at least two to three nights a week despite their newly endowed responsibilities.
I have recognized this crisis as being ubiquitous. My college peers are sprinkled around the country and are connected through the common sentiment of ambiguity, a sense of estrangement from everything comfortable and known. Post college life seemed too far away, as we all lackadaisically sat on our porch fronts staring out at the west coast ocean that had embraced our four years of debauchery. With the smell of salt, stale beer, cigarettes and one night stands still lingering on our taut and tan skin, we felt ready to conquer the next part of our lives. After four years of blackouts, streaking, over eating, unfamiliar hookups in unfamiliar places, empty 30 packs, beer bongs, blunts and an overall disregard for reality, We were ready to don the un flattering cap and gowns that would proclaim us adults. We were prepared for great success.
Toting our bachelors degrees and four years of great education provided by the state of California, we pounded the pavement and were faced with a challenge greater than we had projected. After completing what seemed like an endless amount of papers, midterms and finals, we were left with blue books and lecture notes which "guaranteed" us all success in the months following the inebriated final walk accross the stage, culminating in our graduation ceremony.
But what happened after we awoke from the daze of feeling accomplished was worse than any hangover we could have imagined. While projectile vomiting and an insatiable appetite for burritos stuffed with french fries did not define the feeling, a new sense of sickness came to fill our lives post grad.
I could not have fathomed how defeated I could have felt after living on a cloud in the middle of an ocean for years. After pounding through inumerous amounts of energy drinks that were never meant to be consumed from 32oz. cans, and lathargically dragging myself to classes which I desperately tried to find meaning in, I felt that I deserved to be rewarded.
College was a guarantee. A guarantee at a good job, one that embraced the knowledge that had grown exponentially over the years. We were at an advantage and that meant fun jobs right? Well, here is where the not so pleasant surprise interjected into the fantasy.
Sitting in a cubicle for ten to twelve hours a day surrounded by straight faced co workers living in their own bubbles, unwilling to flash a smile or commence in conversation, hypnotized by the monotonous tasks, and celebrity gossip blogs would never appeal to me. That being said, having put up with a job that hardly satisfied my appetite for creative challenges, I took it upon myself to say: this is not what I went to college for. I quit, and here I am... proceeding forward without an idea of what is to come. Only with a newly found sense of self, and an appetite for fulfillment. College was a taken for granted luxury, which led to disillusionment and confusion. But learning to take control of life and self fulfillment, while realizing that you I am worth something more will hopefully propel me into a career better suited. Stay tuned...
